The Marriage Blues: When Boredom Becomes a Threat

Marriage vows typically include the promise  “Til death do you part.”  That s a pretty hefty order by itself, and in our progressively modern age, sadly, not every married couple takes this vow to heart. There is nothing wrong with ending a marriage if a couple has serious issues that cannot be resolved or if they are completely incompatible. However, these days, we see so many marriages breakdown over the pettiest of issues; issues that could be resolved given some patience and effort. Boredom is, unfortunately, one of those petty reasons that often lead to break-ups and divorces. Yet, boredom is a resolvable issue given open communication and appropriate action. Boredom, however, should serve as a sign that something is wrong in the relationship, and early intervention might just reignite that spark, saving your marriage from the unfortunate end.

Causes of Boredom in Relationships  

Boredom creeps into relationships much like a hairline crack in a delicate piece of glass. Ignored for too long, the crack becomes a large crater, too deep to repair.  While many couples experience boredom in relationships, it is especially true for those who have married and are settling into their day-to-day routines – careers, family, chores, etc. Sometimes, couples become so comfortable and accustomed to the stress and exhaustion that comes from daily life that they forget to spend quality time with one another, only perpetuating an eventual breakdown in the relationship. While daily stress and the subsequent failure to spend time with one another can lead to boredom and incompatibility, there are other factors leading to relationship boredom. Couple should be aware of these factors and view them as warning signs so they can take action to repair their relationship before it s too late.


Internal Factors:


  • Financial Problems
  • Illness or Disability
  • Personality Differences
    • Lack of sex/sexual incompatibility
    • Intellectual incompatibility
    • Lack of common interests
    • Differences in/lack of humor
    • Perception of partner in aging


External Factors:


  • Social isolation
  • Lack of support from community, family, and/or friends


Boredom in relationships is really a matter of perception and attitude, as well as a lack of communication and compromise.   Relationships cannot be one-sided. In fact, you have to focus very much on your partner s wants and needs without sacrificing too much of your own wants and needs. This is where open-communication and willingness to compromise come into play. As for perception and attitude, this all goes back to the brain and neurobiology. While biological factors, as well as your personal experiences and reactions to those experiences do play a role in your thoughts and perceptions, the subconscious is only a minute aspect of the bigger picture. Your conscious thoughts also have an effect on your relationship and the way you perceive it. Even if the aforementioned factors exist, your failure to communicate will only exacerbate the problem. And if you choose to tell yourself that you are bored and unhappy, and to have a pessimistic attitude, then you are not going to help yourself or your relationship. If boredom has become a threat to your marriage, rather than running straight to divorce court, it s time to open the doors of communication, working together with your partner to resolve these issues. Boredom does not have to end a marriage. In fact, it is often a lack of communication that leads to assumptions on the part of one spouse or the other, resulting in a failure to make the effort to keep the fire burning.

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