Sexual Intimacy Hardships: Don’t Let Hard Times Sabotage Your Relationship

Surviving Difficulties, Maintaining a Healthy Marriage, and Avoiding Sex Life Sabotage

Every couple faces hard times. That is an inevitable fact of life. It is how you react to those hard times and how you work together to get through them and to overcome the obstacles attempting to stand in your way that matters most. Some couples automatically join forces, preferring to support one another and to work together as a team. Others do not quite find this emotional balance in relationships, allowing the difficulties to threaten their sanity, as well as their relationship. Instead of working together, they overcomplicate matters by working against one another, allowing their frustrations and anger to lead to fighting, poor communication, and distance that can sabotage the relationship and a once-healthy sex life. 

Emotional Circuitry 

Maybe you are facing financial difficulties. Maybe work stress or personal stress is standing in your way.

Maybe you and your partner do not quite see eye to eye. Maybe unavoidable and unexpected events have the two of you feeling as if you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders… whatever the issue, you have two choices: let it interfere, possibly creating a breakdown and potential end to your relationship, or become a team, supporting one another with kindness, compassion, unconditional love, and communication. And while the choices are pretty clear-cut, choosing between the options is not always as simple as 1-2-3. When difficulties arise, some couples are not naturally prone to lean on one another, successfully navigating the stormy waters together.

Couples who cannot navigate through rough patches on their own are those who are ultra independent as individuals, often a condition arising from their youth and upbringing. While independence is not a bad thing, marriage affords us the opportunity to share with and rely on another human being. Being out of touch with one’s intimacy circuit can create barriers that turn into walls when difficulties creep in. In such cases, couples fail to share their thoughts and concerns, keeping it all inside until they explode or implode, only making matters worse. They do not attempt to consider their spouse’s needs, thoughts, or feelings, and fail to show compassion and patience when it is most needed. Such failures in a marriage ultimately lead to feelings of hurt and resentment, even if the intention was never to hurt the other spouse, merely an effect of one’s coping skills, however ineffective they may be for the health of the relationship.

Where Does Sex Come In?

When facing hard times, many couples see a drop in their sexual desire, mostly due to stress. And couples who fight more through hard times, not only feel more stress, they lose even more desire because of their personal feelings of hurt and resentment. Because of this, they often do not want to share intimacy, let alone sex, with their partner. It is unfortunate that stress in general can affect a healthy sex life, especially given the excellent abilities of sex for relieving stress and creating strong bonds between truly loving coupes. Yet, stress, difficulties, chaos, and fighting can sabotage a healthy sex life, as much as the overall relationship in general. 

What Can You Do? 

Utilizing brain science, you must retrain your brain. Slow down a evaluate not only the situation you are going through, but also your interactions with one another and how each other’s reactions trigger responses in the other. It is of the utmost importance to learn to take the time to show care and concern for your partner through communication, compassion, and patience. Instead of placing blame, support one another, show unconditional love, and take appropriate action to restore your stability, sanity, and relationship. Difficulties do not have to lead to divorce… and they certainly do not have to interfere with your sex life.

As for sex, the closer you become through your joint navigation of difficult times, the more likely you are to feel those feelings of intimacy toward your partner. Take time out for one another, and yes, purposely take time out to enjoy se with one another. You do not have to plan it, but certainly do not avoid it just because of stress and difficulties. Adding sexual tension to the mix is only a recipe for more tension in your relationship, and honestly, you would be surprised how much better sexual intimacy will make you feel even in the face of life’s adversities.

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