Sex and Relationships: Coping with Limited Privacy When Family Move In

In sex and relationships, couples can face a difficult challenge when other people move into their homes. Whether it be friend, family, or just a roommate in general, one or the other partner, or even both partners, can begin to feel as though their home and their privacy has been invaded, and this feeling of imposition can be difficult to face. Many experts agree that couples should not allow family, friends, or roommates to move in with them, as it strains both relationships in the end. However, we live in a difficult era where people are still attempting to recover from a serious economic crisis. It is a tough decision whether to bring someone else into your home or not when you need the financial boost.


Even if the person or people who move into your home have good intentions, it is difficult to cope with simply having someone else in the house all the time. Even if they leave occasionally for work or other activities, you have to deal with having their stuff in your space, their messes, and what may seem like a loss of control over your own home After all, you want your rules to be observed, but you also want to keep the peace. Having your own space is important, and if there is a lot of chaos in the home due to added residents or just someone who likes to talk your ear off or seems to interrupt things or take up time you want to spend with your partner, you can almost feel violated.

When this situation begins interfering with sex and relationships or causes relationship tension, it is time to take action and decide how to regain control of your home and relationship without necessarily eliminating the needed assistance that prompted the roommate situation in the first place.


Case Example

S. is a woman in her early thirties who is in a solid, loving relationship. Due to financial struggles, she and her partner sought a roommate to help with rent and household expenses. The roommate is a nice person, but he is several years younger than the couple is and has a serious problem with ADHD. He talks a lot, he is always interrupting and invading their personal time and space. Ti top it off, he is messy, and inst4ead of keeping his belongings in the two rooms he rents, he has scattered much of it throughout the house. Initially a business arrangement, the terms f the lease are not exactly being observed, and the couple is trying to remain nice and welcoming. They have admitted to one another what they do and do not like about the new roommate, and both partners have agreed to be nice, despite the unexpected aggravation accompanying the situation.


Coping: Couples and Roommates


The couple in the above example decided to give the roommate a break because of the living conditions and history he had come from. Despite his annoying traits, they see his need for friendship and a sense of belonging. This is definitely something couples going into roommate situations should consider.  Is there a particular reason or personality trait causing the problems? Can you learn to overlook it in order to protect your sanity and maintain the peace within your home?


S. experienced some anger and jealousy because she felt the roommate interrupted too often and took time away that she and her spouse could spend together. However, her issue was compounded by an anti-social personality clashing with the new roommate’s presence. The couple made sure the rules were clear, as far as pitching in with the household chores, and they ensured that even if interrupted, they resume their private time and conversations, as well as spending more time together by taking advantages of times when the roommate is gone to enjoy sex and intimacy. And, even when slight disagreements occur, they communicate. The couple keeps the peace, adhering to their rule to ensure that fighting is not an integral aspect of their relationship.


Roommate situations can be difficult. Whether you are close to the person or met them through an ad specifically looking for someone to fill an empty room, it is often difficult to adjust to changes and the presence of another person in your home. However, this does not have to be the downfall of your relationship. Couples who are able to maintain communication in relationships and work together to compromise and avoid problems are those who can survive both the roommate situation and the financial struggle prom0pting the situation in the first place.

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