Compatibility: Lack of Individuality Could Harm Intimacy In Your Relationship

It is good for couples to have plenty in common. After all, common interests provide a level of compatibility on which the framework for a lasting relationship can be built. However, if a lack of individuality develops, those common interests could harm the relationship more than enhancing it. Couples need some separate interests and viewpoints. They also need the freedom to pursue their individuality and to discuss those things with their partner without having to actually involve their partner in every single aspect of those interests. Without individuality, partners might become bored and dissatisfied, many often blaming and resenting their significant other for their loss of individuality.

Here is a great example: your husband likes to go fishing. You, on the other hand, would much rather go to flea markets or yard sales, rather than sit on a boat or bank smelling Parfum de Trout all day. Do you go fishing anyway, despite your lack of desire? Is it okay for your partner to resent your decision to not go fishing? In a nutshell, couples should be willing to do some of the things they do not enjoy very much, occasionally, as a compromise and kindness to their partner. However, no one should be forced to participate in activities they do not enjoy on a regular basis. Finding some balance will help both you and your partner to enjoy time together, to compromise, and to avoid that annoying feeling of resentment.

Separate Interests, Stronger Relationship

Couples who do everything together are not always incompatible; however, those who spend a lot of time together, with one or the other silently stewing about what they would rather be doing are putting their relationship at risk not only of resentment, but they are risking frequent petty fighting and a potential breakdown in both communication and intimacy. A partner who feels they are deprived of their individual interests and who feels any ounce of resentment will likely lose interest in intimacy and sex.

Separate interests and opinions are a good thing. It helps couples to spend time apart and it helps to keep things interesting. There is nothing wrong with time apart, as it helps you to appreciate your quality time together even more. As for different opinions, a healthy debate is good. It is petty arguments caused by underlying resentment that often grows into irreconcilable differences or irretrievable breakdown of a marriage. Individuality helps couples to find satisfaction within themselves and with their partner, leading to a stronger, more intimate marriage.

Finding Balance, Restoring Intimacy

Balance is an integral aspect of creating healthy intimacy in a relationship. There is no balance if one partner’s interests take precedent over another or if any resentment is present. Couples need t be able to enjoy their individuality while sharing those separate thoughts and interests with one another through discussion. If this has become a problem in your relationship, it does not always mean the end has come. Some couples simply do not understand how to find an appropriate balance, and often, distraction leads to unintended selfishness. A marriage counselor can often help couples to work through these problems, finding common ground that will help them to restore their relationship and regain feelings of love and intimacy.

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